kebodohan dan kegeraman

i m so angry n geram at my stupid self!
how could i do this to myself,din study when everything is just there right in front of my eyes!
dumb,stupid n bodoh punya ezen!!!!!!!

Jantung or Hati?

Heart is Jantung in malay.
We usually use our heart to describe our emotions n ;
We will usually say:
My heart is pain,My heart is sad, My heart is breaking, My heart is missing someone, My heart sense something.
n the list goes on...
Translate those in B.M :
Sakit Jantung, Jantung saya sedih, Jantung saya patah, Jantung saya merindui seseorang, Jantung saya merasai sesuatu.
Doesnt those sound weird?
Cause we usually say :
Sakit Hati, Hati saya Sedih, Hati bagai nak patah, Hati saya merindui seseorang, Hati saya merasai sesuati or naluri hati.
This sounds better rite?
Sakit Jantung as in heart attack is okay la,but as in u know not the medical sickness, so it sound weird, N naluri hati, u dun use naluri jantung dont u?
N if u translate hati in english is Liver.
Then it will be :
Liver Pain, My Liver is sad, My Liver is breaking, My Liver is missing someone, My Liver sense something.
Liver Pain is not meant for the physical pain, its an emotional pain n it doesnt sound right for that rite?
sounds damn weird.
We use Hati and Heart to describe emotions but jantung n liver just doesnt sound right!
Its just the opposite of one another...
This is just small things that we might not realize, that is why we keep on using it!
haha...

What happen today?
I overslept! n i was so super late that i dont have to go to the first class,
luckily got friends,n they told me what happen in class.
This cannot sleep n wake up syndrome is too much!
but now i m not that angry at the syndrome.
I hope i can got back to the normal sleeping condition!
I actually loved accounting just now, miracle...haha
Do i still love it now? I dont know n will find out later...
Finished class at 4, watched teevee for a while just now n i am now here blogging.

To Let Go

To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.
It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret.
Letting go isn't winning and it isn't losing.
It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear,
And it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.
Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts,
And doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness.
It's not giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss, and it's not defeat.

To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on.
It is having an open mind and confidence in the future.
Letting go is accepting.
It is learning and experiencing and growing.
To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, made you grow.
It's about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain.
Letting go is courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving.
Letting go is growing up.
It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.
To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and to set yourself free.

*written by-Tiffany Appleton

What has Ezen got to say :

This is something dat i read from a book.
Something positive bout letting go.
i posted this last year in my friendster blog, just happen to read it n decided to post it here.
Its easy to say or write but when you're going through this its not as easy as how its said or written.
Anway this shows dat letting go is not dat bad after all,its not like we're going to die or end up suffering from depression for the rest of our life.
It is just something that will happen in life.
I m sure alot of people will have to face this,the only difference is whether it happened sooner or later in life.
So Just face it n move on,n we'll be fine.
The memories can be kept n cherished.
Nothing wrong with dat...Its accepting.

Sleeping n Waking up

I cannot sleep at night and i cannot wake up in the morning...
I hate it when that happen! That is just so shit!
I get super frustrated when this happen!
Its like doesnt make sense! N its damn sickening n tiring!
When i want to sleep i cannot sleep,
When i want to wake up i cannot wake up...
Just super hate it!!!
I hope n hope n hope n dont want this to happen again dis week!

Don't look back, Got a new direction.

That is exactly what i m going to do!
No more turning back, i m furthering to my new direction!
Something happened today, n that struck me, that is y this is goin to happen now!
I got a new direction, a direction that i don't even know how to get to!
But i am going to figure it out, n the key to my new direction is again patience...
I know that this time i am so going to make it happen.
Shit happens in life, so no turning back,no regrets...
New direction here i come!
=)

mind

I just finished watching the series,n now its study time!
i HOPE i can SIT N STUDY tomorrow!
I woke up late,since i m already late i just take my time, n of cos i reach college late, but nvm.
I tried studying in college,but still cannot really concentrate although i m in the library.
Still got distractions like, hp n sleepy n bla bla bla.
Teruk la me, in the library no one to talk to also still cannot concentrate! aih...
I've got no class on Friday, but i had alot of things that i wan to do, eg; wash my car!
Lets see what will happen!

This few days i had been thinking of something.
Something that i had not thought of for quite sometime, n just suddenly comeback to my mind recently. I keep on asking myself y, think back? But i just couldn't answer myself. Its quite sad n sometimes frustrating. N when i try not to think, thats when more things will come in n make the thinking greater! Or am i not being honest with myself thats y all this is coming back to me?
The mind is the greatest,
n as i know mindfulness is very important.
But sad, i m not mindful enough. As i said before, i m unpredictable that make things worse.
Nvm maybe i m still on the way to find my trueself, and by then i will understand myself,maybe?

*ejane,
I think should be la.yes i know and i agree with u, its awful when that happen, and i would rather not reminded. But already reminded, i also duno la. u know wat?
Just Let it be, that will be the best thing to do. Since i cannot do anything.rite?

study?

It is one in the morning, n i am sleepy but i just feel like blogging, dont know why.
So here i am posting this before i sleep.
Its already the 2nd last week for this semester, holiday is coming in 2weeks time! yay!
but before that finals, n that is in about one n the half week time,hahaha... STUDY ezen STUDY!
I got no class today, so i should be studying since finals is coming! but i did not! what did i do?
I slept until about 12 or 1,forgot d.
Then went online, then go buy lunch late...
Next i sat in front of the tv watching tvb series until about 8!haha...wonderful ezen...
After having dinner, i went to pick Atin from Lcct. Reach home about 11 sumthing n i continue watching the series until just now...
Thats the bad side of having the whole series, so if i didnt finish watching that, i know i wont start studying! So better STUDY ezen!
I really cannot sit down n STUDY, y cannot huh? But everytime when i m doing something, eg; driving, that time i have the semangat to study. Its like when i m driving i will plan that : oh, later after i do this n that i want to study. But when the time come i wont study!
I think i need to discipline myself! how? Can someone teach me? anyone?
someone special, any suggestion? =)
i m super sleepy d.
bubye

green?

i saw someone in green from head to toe today.
and that reminds me of someone.
I love the colour green alot, so i will notice anything in green.
But today, what i noticed remind me of lady in green.
Did not happen for quite sometime,just today ... came back to my mind.
Little things that we see everyday will somehow remind us of someone.
Its strange sometimes when almost everything that we see will somehow remind us of that same someone.
Does that mean anything?
oh,god i dont know! can someone let me know?
How does it feels like when that happen?
I dont know how to describe that, too complicated for me to understand although i've experienced that before.

unpredictable me

I m now in taiping,but going back soon...
Anway, its okay cause i will b coming back soon...
Another 2 more weeks to finals,uh-oh...I have to study! aih...but will i?
I am kinda worried for my exams, no use worrying ezen, STUDY!
I just bought the dvd,n i know i will b watching that,haha!NO! should not!cause i should be studying!SHITED...
I've got alot of things in my mind just now,but now i cannot even remember to write...NO! NO!

I just cannot expect what will happen next,cause i m just too unpredictable...
I dont even know myself deep enough, thats sad u know. One minute i will be like this and then i will be something. I thought this, but after so long i became that back again, i hate not knowing myself deep enough,when i should be the one that know myself! Maybe its not me, My heart is the one that knows everything and i dont understand my heart deep enough. My heart is always making me unpredictable.
But i know that after all this hu-ha i am a person that is .......
What can i do? nothing. So, how? Wait ezen, patience ezen. I dont want to wait and i dont want to be the person that is .......Can i not be the person that is.....? I dont know n i doubt my heart will know.
Ezen is tired, but stil keep on hoping and at the same time Life Goes On..
Maybe i am already forgotten,and i am the only one that is still hoping.
Oh,this is making my life miserable...
done and out!
*no smile today too tired to have one

How do i feel?

What do i feel today?
happy? satisfied? dissapointed? sad is a nono...
happy came, dissapointed came for a while, but at last i m satisfied and happy.
The important thing is the end of the day.
hahaha...the end everything is good.
what more can i ask,when i am actually happy with everything.
=)

I've got assigment to finish and i am lazy,how?tak tau...
Hows my mid term?i duno how to answer...
Hope everything goes well...
its a sunday today!just woke up n i am goin out later
bye...
lalala....