down?

I am down.
I am indeed very DOWN now, after thinking about my life.
Whats with my life that made me feel down after thinking about it?
I don't know. How can i not know right? but Thats the thing with me, i just don't know.
Don't even know myself.

I am now alone, in a world of my own.
Only me, and thats when i start to think about my life.
This past few days n weeks, i had been thinking deep...very very deep.
I don't know whats wrong with me.

I know,theres nothing that i can complain about in my life.
My grandma, grandfather, father, mother, sisters, uncles, aunties, cousins n etc all are great people. that = My family is GREAT....n
I've got all the basic necessities and even got more than that, i cannot be more thankful.
so, my life should be great rite?

But, theres is still this BUT.
There is this something that made me feel down.
and again i don't know what that something is.
I cannot say that there is no reason behind all these, n it is a lie cause there is something but i just don't know what it is.
Something that is hidden, that even me myself havent discovered whats hidden or missing in my life.
Somehow my thoughts had wondered there and is now struggling or more like dying to know more.
I am not always like this, i dont feel down most of the time. This is unusual.
I am not the usual me. I want to be the usual me again. I do not want to always feel down.
I want to be the carefree me. Yes, i do look like i am the usual me, but when i am alone this is what happens. This is freaking me out.
Too much for me to handle, emo emo emo...

I might or might not know about the hidden or missing something.
At the end of the day life goes on, and how i wish i can go on as life goes on.
I keep on telling myself that life goes on and i will just go with the flow but deep down inside i wont. Cause i just cannot and do not want to go against my will, cause i know in the end i will suffer more if i just follow my life n go on without knowing whats that hidden something inside me.

*Hidup aku takkan sempurna tanpa ...
apa ya? sesuatu yang aku pun belum tahu lagi...